Fathers and Sons

As many of you know, Kyler was baptized last weekend. This was a very memorable day for both him and me. This was my first opportunity to baptize anyone, and it was an even bigger honor to be able to do this for my son. Kyler has been a sight to see these last few months as he has worked to prepare himself for this important day. Not only has he been learning in his primary class and even participated in some lessons taught by the missionaries, he has also taken it upon himself to read the scriptures and pray to know if they were true. He has grown up quite a bit in this last year, and I am very proud of him.

During the week prior to the big day, Kyler was becoming a little nervous about everything. He had to ask people to give talks, say prayers, and lead and play the music. He had to step out of his comfort zone, and take a more active role in things. He did great! He was also getting a little nervous about everything that would take place that day. I had to provide him a step-by-step description of how things would go. This seemed to help some, but not nearly as much as a short conversation we had the Friday night beforehand. We were at the church building to arrange chairs and take care of things. Kyler and I also needed to get baptism clothing that fit and make sure I knew how the font worked. While in the font area, Kyler asked me to walk him through the steps of what would happen, so I did. Afterwards, we were trying on clothing and I asked him if he was nervous. He said, “A little.” You could tell he was just trying to be brave, and that he was nervous. Then he asked me, “Daddy, are you nervous? I just know this is your first time to do this.” We had been so busy that week, I hadn’t really given it much thought. I paused for a moment and said, “Well, yeah, I guess I am a little.” Kyler assured me it would fine. From that moment on, he was not nearly as worried about things, and his nerves really began to settle. Every time anyone asked him if he was nervous, he would say, “No. Not that much.” The morning of the baptism came, and we made it to the church and got dressed. Immediately following his baptism, we were in the changing area and Kyler was freezing. He was so cold he was shivering. Through his shivers he says to me, “Daddy, you did a great job.” Even though this was a special day for him, he wanted to make sure I knew that I had done well, and that he was proud of me. He sacrificed having his own “moment” in order to give me one. I hope I can remember this moment the rest of my life.

This got me thinking about fathers and sons and the sacrifices we make. We often think of the sacrifices we make on behalf of our children, but I fear sometimes we overlook the sacrifices they make on our behalf, especially when they’re young. I am sure that as they grow older, those sacrifices are more easily noticed, but my sons are making sacrifices for me even at their young age. This led me to thinking about my own father. When I was younger, my dad made some sacrifices for me. I didn’t know them, or even understand them, but there were sacrifices. It has taken me a number of years to learn about them, and it has taken me having my own children to begin to understand them. Because of how things were, I also had to make sacrifices as a child. So, when I was a child, I again was noticing the sacrifices I had to make on his behalf, but failing to notice those he was making for me. Am I unusual? Different? Or, do we all tend to make this same mistake and focus on the sacrifices we make, and overlook those that are made by others? I hope I am not alone.

My dad has made many sacrifices on behalf of me and our family. Sure, some were required following choices that were made, but a sacrifice is still a sacrifice. My dad continues to make sacrifices for the benefit of this family. In fact, I can honestly say that he has made tougher sacrifices, and more of them, on behalf of our family than anyone. His wife and his children always are the most important thing. I believe he learned this from his mother. I hope that I can live my life in such a way that my kids can say the same thing.

I have recently learned what it means to make tough sacrifices for the benefit of my sons, and my family. Sacrificing our adoption of Maya and Lexi has been one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. When we first decided to pursue adoption, the entire family was in agreement. When we finally got word that the girls would be coming to us as the adoptive family, we were all ecstatic. As things got tougher, Tamra and I had to make a very tough decision. Ultimately, we agreed that we would need to make a huge sacrifice for the benefit of the girls, the boys, and ourselves. We had to sacrifice something we wanted so badly for the benefit of the family. I knew the boys would have a hard time with things, but could not have known the sacrifices they would have to make. They gave up their sisters, their playmates, and pieces of their own hearts too. A decision I (we) have made, has forced them to make sacrifices of their own.

I imagine Heavenly Father’s sacrifices in allowing us to come to earth. It must be painful to have all your children forget their time with you, and allow them to come here and be subjected to sin and temptation, especially knowing that some would not choose wisely. Even as part of the plan, and knowing it was for our benefit, it must have be a tough sacrifice to make. My dad has made sacrifices that didn’t seem like sacrifices at the time. But, although his sacrifices forced me to make sacrifices as well, I have to consider the entire family and not just myself. When considering the entire family, it is easy to see that he sacrificed some of his happiness, forcing me to make sacrifices as well, for the benfefit of the family. This doesn’t make him a bad person; it makes him a father. Fathers have to make difficult sacrifices for their families. Sometimes, their sons get to make sacrifices for them.

Dad – Thank you for the many sacrifices you have made for me, and for our family.
Kyler – Thank you for the sacrifices you make for your dad.
I love you both.