I am Ok

OK .... so its been a long time since I have posted. I am not sure if my words will flow like I would want so I guess here goes :)

I am not the same person I was 1-1/2 years ago... I am thankful for this. I know I have experienced much heartache but I also have experienced much love and joy. I have learned to fully submit my heart to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and to trust, have hope and faith. I have no regrets. I have learned to open my home, my heart and embrace others fully. My eyes have been opened to the love that our Heavenly Father has for all of His children and how aware He is of each of them. I am so thankful for the trust He has in me for allowing me the opportunity to be a mother to His children even for a brief time. I am blessed to know that what we have been through wasn't just by chance or the luck of the draw ... it was His plan. I have been blessed with PEACE in knowing that.

So to all of you out there I am ok! I have hard days sometimes, but I think that is to be expected. I have been keeping myself busy! I decided to change three bedrooms around and paint them - now as I have lost momentum I am wondering what in the world was I thinking ???? Well I do know I couldn't look at the girls beds and walk into their room and see it empty so I had to change everything :) We now have another dog "Missy" she really is a good dog she just doesn't like men so for Ray this causes a problem but she LOVES ME :) Missy has been good for the family because Vayda (our dalmatian) is old and likes to just lay around and Missy loves to play and snuggle so it has been great for the fam. We had spring break two weeks ago and we went to Chicago we had a great time and the boys were of course happy because we got to stay in the "Jungle Hotel" Embassy Suits which they love. I have made progress in getting more pictures of the family up in the home including the girls. I feel they will always be a part of our family. We hope to continue our contact / communication with them. I feel it is important for them to know that the time in our home was real and that they still have lots and lots of family who love them and who will support them. I feel in a way I will have an easier time when Antwan's adoption is final, our family is holding on with everything we have. The boys have had a hard time with the girls leaving and they fear Antwan too will leave. Antwan is a complete stinker :) but he also brings complete Joy! I wish I could post pictures of our complete family on here but until things are made final we can't. It is so funny how Antwan and Ethan are soooo much a like they really are brothers no doubt about it!

Well I wanted you all to know that I am ok ... yes I still cry and still have hard days however I am BLESSED so very much! The love of my wonderful husband, children, parents, brothers, sisters, prayers from all of you, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is what is getting me through!!!

Thank you! & Lots of Love,
Tam

ps. Mom I will get your blog updated soon....sorry!